The Adventures of Marian, the (slightly aggressive) Librarian
Adventure 1.

It was a balmy day inside the library. The air conditioner was laboring silently. The slight breeze from the fan was especially welcome today as Head Librarian Marian Mott was in a pet. One of the patrons had apparently cut the picture of Eddie Van Halen out of the book "Rock Superstars of the Century", leaving a gaping hole. This at first turned Marian's ears red with rage, but as she considered, it came to her that this was not a great loss. It was possible no one would notice the difference. So she closed the book up and replaced it in its correct position on the shelf.

Her blood, however, was up. The assistant librarian, mild-mannered Henrietta Hodges, sat quietly in front of the circulation computer and attempted to attract no attention. She knew. She'd been in the path of a pet before.

"You realize," Marian said sternly, "the 973's are in a dreadful state."

"Yes, ma'am, the Junior class was here this morning to do the reserch for their term papers. And since it has to be done day after tomorrow, they were lax about replacing the materials correctly. I told them I would do it, but---"

"Straighten them, please. I will help this gentleman here. Yes?" Marian, as she liked to be called, turned regally and surveyed the man standing at the counter. She realized she had spoken hastily when she sent Henny over to the stacks, because the man was standing in front of the user sign-in sheet for the computer. It was too late to call the assistant back; she'd already disappeared into the history section.

The young man, whom she later had cause to call unfortunate, looked up and said plaintively, "Can you help me get on the internet?" As she studied him, while one of his eyes was fixed firmly on her zoftig form, the other seemed to wander about the room. It was disconcerting, to say the least.

"Certainly, sir, I shall be glad to help you." Privately, Marian dreaded the calls for help from the computer section, because although she could never admit it to her subordinates, she could never remember the passwords. Or how to save pictures. (She'd been asked that once.) Or how to make the printer print when it refused to do so.

As it happened, this particular young man had never made the acquaintance of a mouse before. "Sit down," Marian said. "Grasp the mouse firmly and click the button with your forefinger. Do that twice on the big E on the screen. There, you see? You're on the internet."

"Now what?"

Marian took a deep breath and raised one eyebrow.

"I'm sure I don't know. Why were you asking to be on the internet in the first place?"

"I want to find the words to a song my mother used to sing to me when I was a kid."

"All right, what is the name of the song?"

"I don't remember. My friend told me you could find anything on the internet, and that's what I want to find."

"Do you remember how it starts?"


"Do you remember any of it?"


I know I don't need to tell those of you who know Marian, what she did next. I suppose there might be a few of you who can't imagine, however, and so I shall have to elucidate.

She very firmly clasped her hands behind her back. The library board had made quite clear that there was to be no repeat of the incident with the copier toner and Mr. Davies. Took two deep breaths, counted to ten, and then said, "You are an idiot." She reached over the young man's shoulder from her position just behind and to the right of him as he sat in front of the computer screen, in order to shut the damn thing off, when her generous and shapely bosoms brushed the young man's shoulder. His steady eye remained trained on the computer screen, but the wandering one scanned her Nature's bounty.

"I am overcome with lust for you," he said. At least Marian thought that's what he said. Later, Henny tried to tell her he'd said, "Wow, would you look at those bazongas," but Marian said, "You need new batteries in your hearing aid," and quelled her with a withering look.

"I'm sure you are," She replied to the young fellow. "However," and she hesitated for a minute as he clamped his sweaty hand over the sensitive swell of her person, a hesitation long enough to determine whether it would be pleasant for him to go any further, and then she said, "that's no excuse for rudeness, young----eeek!"

Eeking was, in the main, for women of lesser mettle than Marian, but the young and almost attractive man (were it not for that errant eye) had surprised her with a point and click not in the Idiot's Guide. The sound of Marian's distress echoed in the rafters, a sacrilege in the stillness of the library.

Some of you may have realized that everything up to this point has been merely preamble to that which follows. For those of you who didn't know that……well, now you do.

Ever after, Marian had the sense of a sweeping tide that changed her life forever. The beginning of a grand chapter in the book of her life. Another man, one who had entered the library unannounced, unheralded, and unnoticed, galloped to her rescue. Figuratively speaking. There were no horses allowed in the library.

He appeared from out of the reference section, and said, "LAPD, what's going on here?" The force of his personality preceded him as he walked toward Marian, his aura of power and masculinity nearly made her swoon. Except that the young man still had his hand on her, umm, protuberance, and if she fainted, and he didn't let go, that might have been painful. So she didn't. But she wanted to.

"Ma'am, are you all right?"

She took a step toward her savior as he approached. That hand just wouldn't let go, and so she had no choice. "Let go of me, you twit," she said, and jabbed the idiot in the side of the head with her elbow. Hard.

Her rescuer may not have been the most well-turned-out man she'd ever seen……his hair was really, really short, and he appeared to have dressed himself in castoffs……..but she basked in the glow of his inner fire. She wanted to burn in it. She sighed.


"It's Miss."

"Oh. Uh-huh."

"Mott. Miss Mott. What's your name?" she breathed.

"Officer White, ma'am. I heard a scream, and thought maybe you needed help. But it looks like you got it under control."

"No---I do need help. Lots of help." She reached out and let her hand curl partway around his upper arm.

"Uh……I just came in to use a phone book……."

"You're just the man I need……..come back here with me, Officer White….."

Marian was a woman who knew her own mind. She knew she was ready now to learn passion. His scent filled her nostrils and she threw the cautions learned in 20 years of library science out the window. Figuratively speaking. If she broke the glass, she'd have to spend too much time getting out of paying for it.

She felt wild, she felt out of control. She reveled in it.

"Uh, ma'am……my partner's waiting for me out in the car……."

"Let him wait. This is too important. This is the turning point in both our lives. The moment we've been waiting for since the day we were born."

He frowned. "I just came in to use the phone book."

The man sitting by the computer stood up and shouted, "It's a miracle! It's a miracle! My eyes!"

Annoyed, Marian turned to look at him. She meant to tell him to shut up, but when she realized he was looking at her with both his eyes, she didn't have the heart.

Yes, she did. "You will be quiet, or you will leave. Do you understand me?"

He rushed by her out the door without so much as a thank you. Young people.

Officer White was edging his way toward the door.

She grabbed his sleeve. "Listen, you----I've been waiting for you all my life, you're not walking back out the door yet. Understand?"

"The car's running…….I told him I'd be just a minute……."

She narrowed her eyes and peered at him. "You're not……you know……are you? You know……with that partner of yours?"

He looked confused for a minute, then his brow cleared and he was suddenly outraged. "No!"

Ah, this was how he was meant to be. Breathing fire. She knew a kindred spirit when she met one. His blood was up now. Hopefully.

He was looking back over his shoulder. He still didn't understand that they were meant to be together. She would have to show him.

She grabbed his tie, and pulled him back behind the circulation desk, back into the offices, into her office, and shut the door.

"I really can't stay, ma'am. I'm on duty. If you need somebody to carry a box, or something, I can do that, but then I gotta go….."

She ran her hands up the front of his shirt, and pushed his jacket off his shoulders. She tried to push his jacket off his shoulders. "I need that," he said, and shrugged it back on.

Time to bring out the big guns.

She stood back just a pace, and began to unbutton the front of her blouse. She was breathing hard, and her chest rose and fell like a steam engine. No, no, that's stupid……like a…….piston. No…….never mind, she was just breathing hard. You know? Like followers of a certain actor would breathe if they saw pictures of that actor with his long blonde hair unbound and loose around his shoulders. Yeah, like that.

His eyes followed her hands as they moved lower and lower. She had a lot of buttons.

"Uh…'am? I think you have the wrong……" He blinked a couple of times. His jaw dropped. "Are those real?" he asked.

"I am overcome with lust for you," Marian breathed. "Get with it, can't ya?"

He thought about that for a minute. "OK. I guess I got a little time. I mean---"

He didn't say anymore because Marian's arms were suddenly around his neck and her tongue was in his mouth. Afterward, when she remembered it, she thought she heard a swell of music, a great rolling crescendo, not violins because she didn't like violins very much, but maybe some woodwinds, and trumpets, and you know, some trombones, accompanying their act of love.

She shoved the monthly circulation reports off the desk with a flourish. "I'm ready for you, take me, have your way with me." Her hand moved lower, past his shirt buttons---she would take care of those later.

"Be careful with the zipper," he said. "Ouch. Dammit."

"Let me soothe that for you……."

"Well, OK, but be careful….."

She applied herself to the tending of the magnificent instrument she held reverently in her hands. At least she supposed it was magnificent, she didn't have any vast experience with which to compare it. The kind of man he was, she knew his manhood could not be any less than noteworthy.

"Watch it," he said. "Have you ever done this before?"

She shook her head, answering without speaking for once, because it's not polite to talk when your mouth is full. His fingers tangled in her hair and conveyed his joy to her also without words.

When she stood up, he said, "You don't have to stop," in a hopeful tone of voice.

"It's time to join our two spirits in a great cosmic explosion that will light the ether with an invisible mystic fire."

"Oh……..aren't we gonna have sex?"

She clamped down firmly on the untimely spurt of irritation. She sat on the desk, grabbed his lapels, opened her limbs really wide, and said, "C'mere, big boy."

He overwhelmed her with his personal force and heat. Seldom did Marian Mott find herself speechless, but in this case she found the physical took precedence over the intellectual.

His strength and stamina were all she hoped they would be. (We won't even talk about anything so vulgar as size. Except to say, perhaps…….oh, mama!)

She was………..fulfilled. More than once.

No matter what happened in the future, they would always have the memory of this, their special time together. She said that to him as he lay on her sweating, trying to catch his breath. He didn't say anything.

"I said, we'll always have this memory!"

"Yeah. Sure. Well, thanks………I gotta go now."

"When you look back at this moment, you'll think, if only I had kept her address. Won't you?"

"Well….you work at the library. I think I could find you. Do you see my tie?"

"Listen, bozo, this is a tender moment. I need something better from you than, I think I could find you."

"Oh. OK." He leaned over and kissed her. And kissed her some more. And some more. And while her eyes were still shut and she was licking the taste of him off her lips, she heard him say, "See ya," and then he was gone.

See ya. See ya. She would remember those two words until her dying day. See ya.

She thought before she got dressed how much alike they had been, kindred souls really, and yet….so different….It was over now, he was gone……they had been like two ships passing in the night……only bumping into each other……not like a shipwreck, exactly, although she found her legs were kinda wobbly when she tried to stand up. It was a little like how she felt after she drank about five Shipwrecks one night….but that was neither here nor there.

Ten minutes later, she left her office, and looked for Henny, who was still in the 973's.

"Haven't you finished this yet?"

"Well, they were really all over the floor, and the other---

"Never mind, dear Henrietta, I think you deserve a break after all the hard work you've put in today. Actually, I think we should both have a small holiday this afternoon. What do you say to that?"

"Will I still get paid?"

"No. Now turn those signs around while I clear this place. HEY! THE LIBRARY CLOSES IN 5 MINUTES! GET YOUR BUTTS OUT THE DOOR!"

When she slipped out the door herself, and locked it, she stood for a moment in thought. "It's the most amazing thing," she said to herself. "Such a deceptive place." She reached out her hand and patted the brick of the outer walls, and then wiped her hand off on her skirt, because this was just below where the pigeons perched..

"You never can tell what's going to happen to you in a library." And she walked down the sidewalk, toward her car, treasuring the pain of her pulled groin muscle, because it was from him. "You just never can tell."

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