A Different Voice


What do you suppose the difference is between a miracle and just good luck?

Bud talks about luck a lot. Good luck, bad luck…….he thinks it's pretty important. But I think there are a few things that are too important to be just luck.

I wonder how many miracles a person gets in her lifetime? I think I've probably already gotten all of mine. One was meeting a strong, decent man who saw me instead of just a prostitute. In my old line of work that's a rare thing; so rare that I don't think miracle is too strong a word for it.

Life with Bud has been one miracle after another.

He lived after being shot three times in the Victory motel. Ed thought he was dead, just like everybody else. It was one of the drivers loading up the dead bodies to take to the morgue that saw him twitch, heard him....not talk, because his jaw was shattered, but make a noise. And then it was touch and go for a while at the hospital. The doctor wouldn't make any predictions about whether he'd live or not; he just said, "He's tough. We'll see."

And he's had lots of other close calls. I don't know if they qualify as miracles, but taken all together, maybe it counts. I don't know very many other men who wouldn't be pushing up daisies by now if they were in Bud's shoes. It makes me wonder sometimes if there's a reason. If God wants him right here where he is.

Getting him back last year when we all thought he was dead felt like a miracle.

I'm married. I'm a married woman, a wife. Not just a tramp.

And my beautiful daughter, when I shouldn't have been able to have any children at all………Would that have happened with any other man? I'd been a prostitute for years; never had to worry about getting pregnant. And I've been pregnant three times since I met Bud. I don't know….

Those all seem like miracles to me.

I have a house with a yard, and a husband that's good to me, and a baby of my own. Who would ever have thought it could happen to me, this kind of ordinary life?

Sometimes I'm afraid I'm going to wake up, and it will all be gone.

I couldn't bear that. I couldn't go back to the kind of life I had before. Maybe once I could have, but not anymore.

But even if it's not a dream, life's not a sure thing. Not settled, not predictable…..you could lose everything in a heartbeat.

It scares me.

prologue   chapter 1  chapter 2  chapter 3  chapter 4 
chapter 5  chapter 6  chapter 7  chapter 8  chapter 9  chapter 10 

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